The Golden Record Preview №4

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I didn’t sleep for as long as I wanted, but we had a large can of coffee, so I went through a pot while I made my favorite breakfast, bar-none: pan-fried tomatoes, eggs over easy, crispy bacon, a cream-cheese bagel, and orange juice. Whether or not Azathoth would like it, I wasn’t sure, but if he didn’t… it mean that he just didn’t know what good food was. I’ll admit, it’s not a normal breakfast, but it’s better than what you can get in town, especially if you’ve got time.

I glanced over to the telephone and answering machine as a sigh escaped my lips, knowing full-well that no matter what I did, there would be a telephone message later. Then again, I was in good-stnading with enough of the teachers that they might be able to push anything back until Monday, not to mention the secretary in the front office was friends with Mom, so she might be able to weigh-in and say I just overslept or something. She knew both of my parents were in Canada.

Before middle school, Grandeddy would always come up to watch me when Mom and Dad would be gone on trips, though sometimes I’d go with them or stay in Alabama for a few weeks. In middle school, Dad taught me how to ride his old motorcycle and ended up giving it to me after sixth grade. It wasn’t meant for the highway, it could only do fifty miles an hour, but it was a good way to get around town. In ninth grade, Grandeddy won an argument against Dad that led to me getting my car. The line he used? “Ever’one needs t’learn how to drive’n a Vo’kswag’n!”.

Dad couldn’t come up with a counterpoint, so I ended up with the keys later that day and Grandeddy stayed up here for over two weeks until he was certain I could get my license in a stick.

As I finished with breakfast and had everything sat on the island, Azathoth came through the great room, smelling the air before looking at me as he stood, completely naked, covered only with his tattoos and his hair that now was only pushed back from his face as I froze and my eyes scanned his entire body.

“I… uh…” I said, finally able to blink again.

“Yes?” he said, crossing his arms and looking expectantly at me, “I walked here to find that smell.”

“You’re… naked.”

“So?”

“It’s just… whoa,” I said, closing my eyes and shaking my head as I finished taking up the food, “It- it’s breakfast, I made it for us,” I said, fixating my gaze on the stove to respect his privacy, “Go put on some clothes, Azathoth, and I’ll have it ready when you come back.”

“Of course, right,” he said.

“I made it a point to not turn around until I was certain he was out of my view.

“My God,” I muttered, setting the rest of the food on the island and grabbing the cups and orange juice.

“Right, of course, I’m back,” he said, “I’m wearing clothes.”

Immersion

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Today, I'd like to talk a bit about immersion and how I believe it can help with whatever project you're working on. Now, before I start my rant, I'm going to say that this is just what works for me. Remember, you are your own person, so for all I know, this might be a wasted breath to you. Still, though, I'd like to go on and, assuming you haven't clicked away from this article yet, explain to you some of my methods… as self-conscious as I can be about them. And, yes, the picture came from the Mac II page on Wikipedia, so I hope that's one question that's answered. Another thing before I start to go on is that, when I say “Immersion”, I'm not talking about fully living out some delusion for a crazy off-the-wall project, even if my bar for that is extraordinarily low.

When I talk about immersion into a project, I'm generally only talking about a mild-to-moderate degree, you know, have a model of what you want your end result to be close by, maybe set up a few visuals, depending on how far down a rabbit hole of accuracy you're willing to delve into, just things like that, so long as your main focus isn't taken from what your original project is. Maybe on the higher end (at least for me), set up an emulation of what you're trying to work with and imagine being where the project would take place. As a writer, I know that advice isn't necessarily universal, but it's the spirit of it that I'm hoping to convey to you. I'm known to have some crazy ideas by some of my friends and family, though figuring out how to put them into words and provide them execution is often times the hardest part of being an author (assuming I forget to proofread until after I've published), but is also the most rewarding. Sometimes, I'll have short stories that I want to write, but can't because I have either so many choices about how I can express those ideas, or there just won't be any way that works that comes to mind. Still, it's an interesting loophole to be thrown into, no matter how clunky the result turns out to be, and hopefully, there's a result.

Immersing yourself into a project, from the perspective of an author, gives you the chance to experience what your characters experience, feel what they feel, see what they see… the list goes on. For other professions, the formula might need to be changed a bit, but the important part is that everyone involved can get the same end result without wild variation and cohesiveness… unless that's the kind of thing you're going for, in which case: Good luck. As much as I'm known to go down any and all rabbit holes that I can possibly find, I do have to say that it's quite possibly a good thing, partially because of all of the perceptions that I can get, though it is a double-edged-sword for… obvious reasons.

April 2024 Eclipse

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I know that, by this point, the eclipse is already old news, but when my grandmother and I tried to find a pair of eclipse glasses, they were already sold out. Yes, this is America, if someone can make money off of something, they probably will. Anyway, enough griping about my country; I can bitch to someone about it in-person if you really want me to. What I want to tell you about today is alternative ways of watching solar phenomena (eclipses and the like), and the answer is something that not everyone will know what I'm talking about. Kiddies, ask your parents about this and try to simulate the absolute amazement we felt when we didn't have the power of a mainframe computer in our pockets or clipped onto our belts. Yes, I'm talking about the Good Ol' Floppy Disk. Two of them, to be exact. Anyway, an easy way of staring directly at the sun for extended periods (or watching an eclipse) and looking only somewhat like an idiot, as the absolutely shameless author here writes, is to get two floppy disks, orient them in the same direction, and hold them at arm's length. Because of the image, you'll want to close one eye so you don't see a double image from looking at it cross-eyed, not to mention that, especially if you're using a 3½-inch set, it'll keep you from going blind in the eye that's not protected by the disk's magnetic tape or the shadow from its plastic casing. The image will be very red-shifted, which is to be expected, but you will be able to see solar phenomena. While any size floppy will work, I would recommend going with the 5¼-inch or 8-inch ones as they have more surface area, which equates to a larger viewing area and a larger shadow for your eye that isn't in line with the material. Ideally, you'd want to use a non-working or blank floppy, but that isn't always an option. My reason being for this, though, is that the magnetic material, when used as a medium for digital data storage, is quite fragile. If your disk is simply non-functional with no way of recovering the data from it (or if you've already recovered the data from a failing/failed disk), another solution would be to use a pair of cheap eyeglass frames and make the lenses from the magnetic material. Again, my above precautions still stand: only look at the sun through the material. I find that making cardboard frames (or simply cutting the cellophane from cardboard 3D glasses) and making the lenses from a double layer of the magnetic material is the best route. Secure the material to the frames with hot glue or super glue. For best results, sandwich the frames where there is one layer of magnetic disk on the inside and one layer on the outside of the frames, that should make the process less tedious. While one layer of material would work, two would be optimal, but going over three layers of material would be pointless unless you were planning on leaving the planet or watching such phenomena from a snow-covered tundra. In that case, I'd recommend buying a welding mask or a set of welding goggles. Anyway, while this isn't a professional solution, it is a solution, nonetheless, though I don't condone the destruction of working floppy disks or sending them to the dump. So long for now!

The Golden Record Preview №3

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C3: Yes, we have cable television and yes, we get primetime.

To say it had been a long day… would’ve been an understatement. By ten at night, most of the stuff on TV was either reruns of some of the more popular stuff from the day, primetime programming (which was absolutely stupid), maybe some movies, but that was it. Azathoth and I had been all over town… hell, we’d even made several trips to the library because I didn’t have enough empty floppy disks.

“What… the hell,” I muttered, sipping on a drink as I wondered why someone would’ve even dreamed of Mystery Science Theater 3000.

“I’d rather have Khongjr,” Azathoth said, sleepily.

“What’s that?”

“Lethal disease that makes you die a slow and painful death,” he slurred, “The treatment for it on my planet is a mercy killing.”

“Yikes.”

“Is this how you spend every Friday night?” Azathoth asked, finishing his soda.

“Pretty much,” I said, hearing a car, “Mom’s Cherokee.”

“Everything on this planet so far has been split-probability,” Azathoth said, “I don’t have a good feeling about meeting other humans.”

“Only one way to find out how they’ll react,” I muttered.

“Seth?” Mom said, coming in from the utility room, “We’re home.”

“Was everything okay whi- oh my god!” Dad screamed before I turned around to see them, wide-eyed, frozen, and shaking, their gazes foxused on Azathoth, “What in the hell!?” he asked, feeling in his jacket.

“Mom, Dad,” I said, as calm as possible, considering the situation, “This is Azathoth. He’s an alien from… uh…”

“Tanh Khlokh – Khu'aiy.”

“There,” I said, “He’s been staying here for a few days, and he won’t kill me… I don’t know what else to say here.”

“Neither of them seemed to come out of their shock.

“Richard,” Mom said, “There is an alien… that we don’t know anything about… next to our son.”

“Lynda, get my gun,” Dad said as Mom slowly sidestepped her way to the bedroom.

“I feel like I should be worried,” Azathoth said.

“I don’t know what’s worse,” I said, “Them or the US Government right about now.”

“For once, we agree about this thing!” Mom said, giving the gun to Dad.

“Ho- hang on!” I said but was interrupted by Dad.

“Seth, get away from that thing!” Dad said, loading and cocking it.

“He’s not a thing!” I said, pulling Azathoth down as Dad fired the gun before he could react, “Mom! Dad! He’s not dangerous!”

“You don’t know that!” Dad said.

“Get away from my baby!” Mom screamed, running after me and pulling me away as Dad got ready to fire the gun again.

“You don’t know if he’s dangerous!” Dad said.

“If you will all just give me whatever a unit of time is called on your planet, I can explain this calmly and rationally!”

“How do we know you won’t hurt us?” Mom said, “How do we know you didn’t do anything to Seth? How can you speak English? How did you even get here!?”